


War and Questionable Peace

by isolated_killer



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Antisocial Character, Demisexuality, Denial of Feelings, Love Confessions, M/M, Nipple Piercings, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 00:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11092860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isolated_killer/pseuds/isolated_killer
Summary: High-school student Sehun falls for Jongin's brother, university graduate Jongdae, the "bad boy" extraordinaire. Problem arises when graduate Jongdae in reality turns out to be just the "bad" part, and not a boy at all.





	War and Questionable Peace

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [War and Questionable Peace](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560262) by [peachenhun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachenhun/pseuds/peachenhun). 



> Not your usual "Senpai, notice me" story 

  ~~ambush~~

  
_It must have happened sometime around November_ , Sehun decides in a somber resolution. Not earlier, because October was still warm enough for him and Jongin to hang out in the streets, stumbling around computer clubs and gaming stores. Not in December either, because Jongdae had gone to Beijing for his senior thesis pre-defense and left Sehun feeling strangely empty for three whole months.

November was when he realized his interest in Jongdae grew serious, akin to those emotions described in movies and books in trivial phrases; the boy could pledge for the butterflies in his stomach, could bring physical evidence in form of reddened neck and ears whenever the object of his infatuation as much as stepped into same room.

Sehun likes Jongdae, as a man can like another man. He fell for the older guy as they spent evenings locked into one three-room apartment, occasionally sharing kitchen and snacks, brought together by accident in the face of Sehun’s friend, Jongin; the little step brother to Jongdae, from a different father and five year gap between them. Originally, the stepsiblings had not been particularly close, age difference too big to share interests and acquaintances, but unavoidable occasions forced the three of them together: Jongdae - in the middle of hastened last minute preparations of his graduate thesis, the two school boys - busy studying for their CSATs. Mutual panic and nervous tension over important deadlines hung over the flat like a heavy cloud, uniting the desperate guys as they took turns at tables with their books and paper sheets, Sehun – an ever present silent observer of Jongin and Jongdae’s bickering.  

Still, he had the whole month to fall in love, no one can blame him. As Sehun sat there, hunched at the low table, watching Jongdae gulp down cans of Hite, occasional smoke stuck to his lower lip while he furrowed brows at particularly dumb sounding points of his thesis; sometimes he read his own musings out loud for amusement, afterwards claiming to have written them when either exhausted from lack of sleep or inebriated. As they wasted away precious minutes of study, three bodies huddled around the cooking pot of boiling ramyun, and Jongdae’s bony tattooed elbow painfully dug into Sehun’s side to prevent him from getting too close to the food, but unknowingly leaving the younger breathless for very different reasons. As Jongdae stretched over Sehun’s lap like a cat, reaching for some of his numerous research papers, and Sehun’s lungs burned in the heady cloud of cigarettes, contrasting with the clean smell of Jongdae’s shampoo.

It happened naturally, without much ado, a young heart stolen like a breath taken; and Sehun can only hope that Jongin stays discreet about his best friend’s crush on his older brother. “Right, why would anyone in their right mind date JD, come on”, Jongin once joked in response to Sehun’s seemingly disinterested prodding about the man’s love life. _Right_ , Sehun thought then, _newsflash, I’m weird_. “No, but seriously, I don’t really know, it’s not like we discuss relationships or anything like that… I told you that it’s already too much if we exchange a few words during weekends,” Jongin added as an afterthought, his eyes carefully searching Sehun’s face for the no doubt dreaded answer to the “big” unspoken question. Sehun could only nod, hiding his eyes in the textbook, trying his best to look a not overly suspicious mixture of indifferent and bored, praying that his reddened ears would ever stop betraying him at such crucial moments.

If asked honestly, Sehun does not know the reason for his liking the older man. Jongdae is not someone of exceptionally handsome appearance, his charm flamboyant at times, but not irresistible to say the least, with his full-arm tattoo unfinished and hair plastered to his forehead. He had never been particularly kind to Sehun, or spoken to him much, preferring to ignore Jongin’s spacey friend, obviously “allergic to slow people”, as he once dropped, staring at Sehun, lips crooked in a mocking smile. Even his attitude is questionable at times, when Jongdae's expression turns unreadable and eyes - cold as he clearly fights with himself to stay silent and not show his displeasure in a crude verbal way. Jongdae smokes, harvests regular headaches from beer and lack of proper sleeping schedule; he does virtuosic job at teasing Jongin about his grades, taking triumphant pride as Jongin purses lips in silent offense, always too soft-hearted to respond.

Sehun expressed his curiosity once, asking why Jongin had always stayed silent against verbal jabs, and the boy could only shrug in reply, “Jongdae’s personal way of showing affection is through being a mean shit, he hides any hint on human emotions with sarcasm, very successful at it, like first place level.” But then Jongin was smiling at Sehun, a knowing shine in his eyes as if about to share a secret, adding that those who had spent with Jongdae long enough, knew the notion behind mockery and learned to read between his wry lines.

That was the truth that Sehun stored inside his mind, later to cherish when one day Jongdae finally chose to grant the tall boy with an offhanded comment. "You'll be eating with us, right?" Jongin had asked him habitually, used to Sehun always staying over; before the boy could open his mouth, Jongdae retorted as he passed by, lips screwed, “Why do you even ask, he’s practically living here, I vote Oh officially rents out that space on the couch, this isn’t some charity”. Frozen in shock, Sehun still found it in himself to smile happily in disbelief at suddenly being acknowledged, while Jongin rolled eyes at his evil brother’s back.

Jongin had then veiledly hinted to Sehun that Jongdae was by far not generous with expressing affection, naturally suspicious of people's intentions, and clearly putting himself first before anyone else. Yet, Sehun's heart could not help leaping when the older man had clicked his tongue, brows furrowed in an exaggerated anger and begrudgingly agreed to give their mathematical draft tests a check, unexpectedly patient with his explanations of problematic questions; memories of Jongdae's relaxed unguarded expression coupled with his soft voice took residence in Sehun's mind for a very long time after. _Shit_ , Sehun kept thinking, gulping down painful lumps in his throat, each time he watched Jongdae laugh earnestly at one of Jongin's questionable jokes; prickles of realization like bulbs flickering on in the dark room.

Afterwards, all that had been left to Sehun was picking up the tale telling signals of infatuation with the senior. _This is bad_ , he whispered into his own sweaty palms as he accidentally witnessed Jongdae sing in Chinese, as the relaxing man sat on the kitchen’s floor with a glass of wine, closed door not a hindrance to the strong clear voice reaching low register for a sensual song on the radio. _Fuck_ , galloped through Sehun's head as he had once walked in on an absolutely naked Jongdae who was leisurely changing in Jongin's room; he actually had the guts to mischievously wink at Sehun while pulling on briefs. "Gotta borrow some boxers from your friend, don't tell him anything," he said, his tone light, "This is gonna be our secret." Sehun nodded dazedly which made Jongdae smile in content; the school boy felt blush spread over his cheeks as oblivious Jongdae walked past him out of the room. Their bare forearms brushed, inked lines of Jongdae’s blank lightning bolts as if electrifying Sehun’s unmarked skin, his eyes involuntarily glued to Jongdae's bare chest.

  
Sehun seemed to have picked up the subtle change in Jongdae’s attitude after some time; the older guy had definitely taken a certain liking to Sehun’s reticence, choosing to stay by his resolute side more often. “What a lovely conversation partner you are, Oh,” Jongdae once noticed after they had sat at one table in complete silence for nearly forty minutes, Jongin having gone to shop for snacks. _Don’t you hate it when someone disturbs you_ , Sehun thought in reply, still too awkward about his weird feelings towards the other, panic rising at suddenly having Jongdae’s full attention on his persona. “Right, ignore the old man, this is your revenge for me ignoring you before,” Jongdae nodded at him, suspicious eyes searching Sehun’s face for a trace of offense.

“No, it’s not that... I’m just shocked. We… the two of us don’t really talk… ever,” the boy writhed out the words, his ears and neck on fire, eyes drilling holes into the umpteenth draft of his CSAT test. “No, you just don’t like me,” Jongdae responded in a tone that bore no doubt; the claim made Sehun gasp in surprise, quickly gazing up to see the clear laughing smile on Jongdae's features; he had been joking with Sehun to get his attention. "Boy, finally I can see your face. Look at me, Oh, when we're talking. It's good to let your eyes rest on something as beautiful as my face." Despite being phrased to sound stuck up, Sehun felt that it was Jongdae’s way of reaching out to him, melting the ice between them, as if he had either been prompted by Jongin to try to make contact with the interested boy, or pursued by his own wish to become friends. _No, that can’t be_ , Sehun thought as Jongdae proceeded to basically shatter his heart into thousand cracks with a sunshine smile, like a finishing shot to his heart.

“Okay,” Sehun replied chokingly, in a manner of a soldier accepting an order from his general, making Jongdae rise a questioning brow at the other’s weird behavior. However, Jongdae seemed to have accepted the constipated way Sehun tended to act around Jongdae as a part of the school boy’s nature; he just shrugged and returned to his routine thesis writing. Just like that, as Jongdae expressed fractions of interest in the other, shatters of Sehun’s heart gradually morphed into the puzzle of inked thunder bolts, confident smile, high cheekbones and sunny eyes.

Then November ended, so unexpectedly, and December took Jongdae and their small interactions away, the guy having had the audacity to kill still confused Sehun with a simple smile on curvy lips, and no promise of quick return. The briefest, “good luck, Oh,” were the words of his cheap wisdom; a quick exchange of looks, Jongdae’s eyebrow raised as he definitely pretended not to see Sehun’s disappointed expression as he took his stuff and left for China, not caring enough to stay a second longer to hear Sehun’s tearful well wishes or blurted out confessions.

  
~~attack~~

  
Sehun finds that sincere confusion is a good look on Jongdae's attractive face; much missed features frozen in a mask of shocked silence. A moment later and Jongdae is already regaining self-control, eyes turning into slits, as he frowns and watches Sehun's surprisingly calm face with clear disbelief. "You what?" He asks in a sharp tone, no doubt wishing to intimidate the younger boy into taking his words back; this tactic might have worked half a year ago or if Sehun could actually turn back in time or erase memories to make Jongdae forget what he has just let escape.

"I like you," Sehun repeats, his voice quiet yet clear enough to carry out the true weight of his feelings. In fact, they seem to bear so much meaning that Jongdae immediately crumples under the pressure of Sehun's direct confession and flies up from his place at the kitchen table, where he has been drinking coffee Sehun purposely made for him. Alas, one is not destined to run away when pursued by someone with such long legs and determination big enough to make the theft of moon itself seem like an easy task; Sehun takes only two strides to crowd Jongdae into the wall, getting wafts of familiar scents of smokes and shampoo as he towers over the older man. _Mint,_ Sehun thinks, taking a deep breath, bedazzled by Jongdae’s sudden proximity, _different cigarettes_.

This move proves to be counterproductive, as such blatant confrontation angers Jongdae almost as much as unexpected human contact; he purses lips, nostrils flaring, and looks up at Sehun as his bony knuckles hit the boy right in the solar plexus. “Listen, piece of shit, I don’t really get what you’re playing at but you better stop, I do crossfit. Don’t you joke with me, sniffer,” he spits at the top of Sehun’s head as the tall boy kneels at Jongdae’s feet and chokes on air in pain. Time freezes as breathing becomes a pained struggle; Sehun may have underestimated the levels of Jongdae’s possible “sociopathy”. “Let me go,” the graduate adds in a calmer tone a minute later, socked toes hovering over still dying Sehun’s hand on the floor. _The man wants to be out of the room, yet careful not to bring me any more discomfort,_ Sehun feels Jongdae’s defenses weaken as the guilt over giving the younger such a hard knock makes him halt in his step, as if observing if he needs real help; Sehun decides to _screw everything_ , and goes for it from his defeated place on the floor.

“This doesn’t change anything,” he croaks and lifts his head up to give Jongdae a look of soulful eyes, forehead covered in sweat, but gaze heavy and meaningful. And the second their eyes meet, Jongdae’s worried expression expectedly turns into a mask of apparent indifference and, “bullshit, what’s your point?”

“There is literally no point, I just like you,” Sehun huffs out, his breaths still feeling like tortures, but black dots cease to dance in front of his eyes as he continues to burn holes into Jongdae’s now clearly confused face. “How is this even possible? I didn’t do anything to make you like me, did I?” Jongdae avoids eye contact with the straightforward boy as such sincere confession shocks him into forgetting to keep on the façade of disinterest. The professions of love coming from the least expected person make the older man lift his hands in dismay, helplessly gesturing around the kitchen, looking so lost, it actually makes Sehun want to laugh; an action that makes his bruised chest ache, the giggle quickly turning into a moan of pain. “Even if there has _ever_ been something, I really don’t reckon though, well, that’s your own fault for reading too much into situation, because I, myself, have never…”

“Jongdae, what is your point now?” Sehun interrupts the flood of rushed words and stands up, now careful to keep a safe distance from the other; as much for the sake of his own health as with understanding that Jongdae may actually have issues with people in his personal space.

“What’s done is done. Unliking someone is tricky, I can’t change anything. And girl advice from glamour mags don’t work, I’ve already tried a few,” Sehun admits almost guiltily, staring at Jongdae’s socked toes, now curled into the scratched linoleum of the Kims’ kitchen; suddenly, the boy gets a flashback to Mr. Darcy’s first awkwardly rude marriage proposals to Elizabeth Bennet, posted on one of the dating advice sites as a classic example of the NO DO types of confessions, and, _what the fuck, I’m an idiot_. 

“No, what I’m trying to say is that they probably didn’t work because I didn’t try hard enough… No, I mean, it’s because I didn’t actually want them to work, that’s why,” He adds in a small voice, trying to be in conviction but sounding much less confident even in his own ears, and a quickly thrown look at Jongdae’s indignant face proves his worries. “Maybe, all the girl advice didn’t work because you’re not a girl? And this fact is actually one of the many nails in the coffin, you know,” Jongdae says, his tone as cold as marble, eyes veiled with well-practiced spite.

“If this is about…” Sehun starts, never to finish explanations, as it is Jongdae’s turn to interrupt. “I’m not gay, Sehun,” Jongdae says it so clearly and undoubtedly, the anger making the evil lights in his eyes dance; Sehun frowns as they share a long look, his heart aching at the sadistic satisfaction on Jongdae’s face when the man realizes his words have managed to offend. “If you didn’t try hard enough to stop liking me, it’s okay, I’m generous enough to help you with this. The sheer idea that you thought of us together sort of bothers me, you know, because I’ve never thought of myself as the male attracting type… but I guess, you just couldn’t help it,” Jongdae continues, leaning back onto the wall, probably wishing to seem relaxed and “in his element”, but tense shoulders and arms, protectively folded in front of his chest giving him away.

Sehun just stares at the unfinished inked lightnings running down Jongdae’s arm, mentally prepared to zone out of the older’s lecture, finds himself involuntarily dreading the idea of how much of a pain in the ass offended Jongdae is going to be when they actually start dating. “…you being an ugly guy is one thing, but you’re that much younger than me and, what the hell, so much confidence when talking to your senior without honorifics, you be lucky I didn’t go off on your ass just for that one fact…” Jongdae babbles on, looking at the towering boy with a raised eyebrow, the tone of his voice harsh and superior.

“So much noise just because I said I tried to stop liking you, hyung?” Puzzled Sehun interrupts the older with the useless honorific, feeling a weird mixture of impatience at being targeted with such stale accusations, but also excitement at having Jongdae react so vividly, anger, by all means, better than indifference.

And Jongdae chokes on his breath, looking very picturesque in his shock at being  assumed to even be considering Sehun’s confession. “Whatever you do or don’t do with your stupid feelings is not my problem, I didn’t ask for any of this bullshit, and you, with all of that ‘senpai, notice me’ crap with coffee and lunch making, it's been really getting on my nerves lately,” he spits at Sehun slowly, quiet and precise in his aim to hurt, eyes burning holes into the taken aback boy.

“Hyung,” Sehun croaks in disbelief as he stares at the other. "So, you noticed? And didn't tell me to stop? Wow, hyung," he cannot help himself as muffled giggling simply bursts right out of his mouth, nervous tension making his body tremble all over. Sehun’s surprising reaction to his outburst distracts Jongdae from further offensive commentary. Suddenly, he realizes that he has definitely said too much and looks very unwilling to admit to have been secretly following Sehun's pursue of himself. “Sehun, what are we even doing? Let’s just forget anything happened, okay? This will stay between us, and I’d appreciate you not telling Jongin anything, because it might make things awkward, or, even worse, he might want to talk to me about it, and I don’t need…”

“Stop,” Sehun whispers in horror at how absolutely serious Jongdae sounds while avoiding eye contact, heavy gaze stuck somewhere on Sehun’s collarbones; he is clearly losing his patience, expression exhausted and unreadable, like he has got no time to play these child games. “Sehun, what did you really expect to achieve with this confession? Me accepting you and us dating? I don’t even know you, we’ve talked like a few times since I returned two whole months ago, and I’m really not into guys, or physical contact with strangers in general, this isn’t going to work out,” Jongdae explains in a cross voice, having the notion that anger does a better job at getting his point across to someone as straightforward as Sehun.

“Dating includes the part with getting to know each other,” Sehun decides to remind him shortly, closely examining the changes in Jongdae’s expression; he notices how the other's messed up hair has gotten a centimeter shorter, wishes to be able to reach out and wipe away an eyelash stuck to the high of Jongdae’s cheekbone. And his decisiveness falters as he actually thinks about the real depth of Jongdae’s distrust in other people and how it affects the man’s simple day-to-day relationships when the other simply shrugs. “Well, maybe, but it still doesn’t change anything,” Jongdae says matter-of-factly, “and your attractiveness doesn’t do anything to me.”

“You just said that you don’t feel anything towards strangers in general, so if my understanding is correct, you just need to know me well, and then we’ll have no problem being close,” Sehun proceeds with a thoughtful expression, not missing the genuine look of bewilderment that flashes over Jongdae’s features. He looks Sehun straight in the eyes as he says, sounding surprised and almost scared, “Are you serious? Why are you being so stubborn about this?”

“Because I like you,” Sehun reminds him with a frown at the question he must be hearing for the umpteenth time this morning. “You already said that, but why?” Jongdae whispers and his sincere disbelief in Sehun’s affections makes the boy’s heart ache.

“I don’t know? Because you’re smart, you’re fluent in Chinese, and are graduating from a Chinese university with a degree in marketing, and that’s so cool? And you’ve been learning Chinese since you were a teen, and that took so much dedication, and that’s absolutely sick too. And you’re really offensive, but in a sassy way which is both frustrating and hot? And don’t get me started on your thunder bolts, and your lips are actually brackets, did you know...?”

Sehun physically cannot continue as his breath gets caught in his throat, body trembling so much, his heart beating at a crazy speed, tips of his fingers and toes stone cold; he also feels like puking at having said too much, too soon, in the wrong order. But then he gives Jongdae a quick look, and cannot tear his eyes away from the genuinely surprised face the older man is making, either touched or embarrassed by Sehun’s now more eloquent confession, his ears of a blazing red colour. “Sehun,” he whispers in a low voice, releasing a held breath. There is a pause between them and Sehun stops breathing, thinking, _sweet jesus, is he gonna…_

But Jongdae beats him to it, with a small voice, as if it is his last attempt at saving them both while holding onto the last straw, before they drown in deep dark waters, “I’m planning to find a job in Beijing or Tianjin. I’ve been offered to do some research for a couple of companies already. There is no way I’m staying in Korea, and I have no time or patience to try and make work a distance gay relationship with a freshman. I’m sorry, Sehun, but this is my final word.”

“I've actually wanted to talk to you about it, I applied to enter a few universities in Beijing. Not in the marketing department, but psychological studies, and I’ve heard that Peking University has a department that does research for…” Sehun actually feels excited about his many plans for the nearest future, eager to tell Jongdae about all of them, but he shuts up as he catches the actual scowl on Jongdae’s face. “Now you suddenly wanna study in China, is this a game to you? How old are you, fucking five? I’ve spent years studying Chinese and I still suck at it, and you’re planning to enter university without even the basic knowledge of language, in another country, far away from your family, and all because of a guy who doesn’t even like you? What the fuck, Oh?”

There are bells in Sehun’s head, and all of them are ringing at the same time; there is no other plausible explanation to the weird unpleasant sensation that envelopes the boy, paralyzing him into complete silence as he just stares at the judging expression on Jongdae’s face, and feels like puking again. But then someone walks into the kitchen, familiar sound of shuffling slippers calming in his ringing ears, and Jongin enters the scene, with a disapproving pout on his sleepy face and arms folded in front of his chest, “Sehun’s been doing an extensive Chinese course in our school for three years now, Jongdae. The only reason why he wanted to be acquainted with you was because I had told him you were graduating from a Chinese university. Don’t go jumping to conclusions when you’re scared to actually talk to Sehun even for a minute…”

Sehun’s heart skips a beat at that statement and he carefully watches Jongdae’s face morph into an expression of stubborn denial. “How long have you been standing there?” The man asks, lips pursed, arms on his hips, wishing to look scolding but seeming more uncomfortable than strict; he also does everything to avoid Sehun's hopeful attempts at catching his eyes. “Long enough to know that you’re a pussy at accepting confessions, Jongdae,” Jongin mutters under his breath. The older man looks at Jongin as if he wants to say something really mean, and Sehun cringes just in case. “Then your friend here should have tried talking to me earlier, unfortunately I can’t read minds,” Jongdae grumbles in response to Jongin, eyebrow raised in challenge.

Sehun is momentarily forgotten by two brothers who share ready-to-kill looks; he feels awkward and contemplates interrupting the two siblings before they start a serious argument. But Jongin is faster, driven by his disappointment at his brother’s inability to be sociable, wishing to help but involuntarily making it worse instead. ”How could he when you’re being an ass twenty four seven, he’s been trying to get your attention for months, but you’re either running away or acting like a twerp when he comes around…”Jongin realizes he probably should have stayed silent even before he ends the sentence; Jongdae’s face has gone pale, eyes glaring daggers into Jongin, and Sehun is hit with a belated realization that confrontation works the worst in Jongdae’s case. There is a tense pause, and Jongin sneakily looks up to see if his friend is angry at him for coming over to the rescue in such an awkward way; Sehun grants him with a helpless smile, cursing inwardly because his “sudden confession” plan has now definitely backfired.

Jongdae snorts at seeing them exchange meaningful looks without talking, and nods his head in silent understanding. “Great, maybe the two of you should start dating then, you clearly know about Sehun so much, Jongin. Maybe you should be confessing to him instead of me, Oh, he’d know how to treat you right,” he says, his tone dripping mockery, and gives Sehun the frowny look of finality before he stomps out of the room; the lingering hurt in the other’s gaze startles Sehun and he stares at the retreating  back with mouth open in surprise. “Are you jealous? I’d be, because Sehun’s one of a kind guy…” Jongin replies to the sarcastic suggestion and when Jongdae ignores him, he continues in a louder voice, now definitely offended on behalf of his best friend, “It’s such a loss for the world that he likes you because you’re shit!” Jongdae’s shoulders get impossibly tense, but he does not turn around as he shouts out a livid, ”Respect your elders, fetus trash” before swiftly turning the corner of the corridor.

They silently wait until the door to the man’s room slams shut, and then Jongin turns to apologize to his best friend for being nosy and totally ruining his moment, but then:

“Wow, he looked really jealous just now, do you think my words actually touched him? Wow,” Sehun says, looking hopeful as he bites his lip in a barely contained nervous excitement. Jongin is left staring at him in disbelief, absolutely astonished at the other’s quick change of mood, and frustrated at being subject to such high stress at asscrack hour of morning, he says, “He’s gonna stomp on your heart and I refuse to hear you whine about it later.” Sehun throws a scowl at him, but Jongin continues, “You’ve been trying to find the moment to confess for months, why today of all days?”

“I sort of lurked and made him coffee again, and he commented how it smelled nicely. Then we’re suddenly fifteen minutes into discussing his collection of scented candles with Arabica and mocha scents, and I’m thinking, wow, scented candles are kind of gay, and just like that, I’m blurting out ‘I like you’. It felt weirdly good and so there was no turning back point,” Sehun tells him thoughtfully, and Jongin just shakes his head. “He’s gonna kill you, he does all that weightlifting shit on his crossfit sessions, you’re a twig, he’s gonna break you in half.”

“That entails him touching me, so who’s the loser here? Win-win situation, I get physical with my crush and he puts me out of my misery with university entrance crap,” Sehun jokes and dodges Jongin’s knee hitting him on the butt.

  
~~retreat~~

  
Jongdae’s way of admitting to his feelings to Sehun will not be paved and easy. It will take the man months to start accepting Sehun’s advances as romantic. And it will not seem like he will ever recognize anything less platonic than Sehun staring at him from the opposite seat at the table, failing to be sneaky with his constant looks at his curvy mouth. Most of the time, Jongdae will deny the existence of the concept that people who are dating can share personal space; Jongdae’s unique way of physical intimacy will be limited to painful jabs at Sehun’s ribs when he needs to get the boy’s attention. He will, however, silently grant the boy a couple of very solid hugs when Sehun comes seeking sympathy with eyes red, disappointed by one of his exam results or devastated over a very low point on his term paper.

Jongdae will show his affections stealthily, preferring to be a man of actions rather than empty words; by regularly checking the freshman’s Chinese grammar without having to be asked, by sending occasional delivery dinners to Sehun, with the food’s and courier’s fee already taken care of, by sending the other simple messages on their mutual chat whenever his overworking hours get too crazy. Jongdae will open up slowly, almost unwillingly, having Sehun in constant wait of something more, but never daring to go ahead with his silent promises of “bigger and better”, and Sehun will only have the choice of taking whatever he can. 

“Somehow, miraculously, it works out,” Sehun will tell pixelated Jongin, the internet in his dormitory’s room coming and going in sporadic waves, making their Skype talks an ordeal. The statement will make his friend laugh, the lagging turning the usually pleasant sound into monstrous creaking. “Yeah, right, if I asked you to call me only after he’s let you see him in just underwear, we’d have to stop being friends.”

“Haha, asshole, show some respect, he’s your brother,” Sehun will huff at his laptop screen, frustrated and slightly annoyed because everything Jongin says is and always will be right, and the truth stings. “I love him in my own personal non-existent way. But, man, in reality I approve of you dating Jongdae," Sehun's eyes will turn into saucers because Jongin is finally saying something positive about his friend's complicated relationship, but Jongin will continue, mischief dancing in his eyes, "This way I know that I'm getting more bedroom action than you, and I'm not even dating anyone."

"Will you ever... just shut up?!" Sehun will exclaim at the laughing guy, annoyed by the other's joking. "It's not about that at all." He will continue in a calmer tone, trying to sound superior, but Jongin will interrupt, doubt dripping from his voice. "No, it's exactly about that, Sehun. You've been studying in Beijing for almost a year already, you've had thousand chances to gain Jongdae's trust, after all, that's what he digs, right? And you're the epitome of trustworthy, loyal and obliging. He tells our mom about you, man. Jongdae. To our mom. About you. If that’s not “married” in his book, it is in mine. My opinion, he just really enjoys getting you blue-balled, that’s why he’s so unresponsive."

"Shut the fuck up, your mom just likes me more than the two of you put together. Jongdae, though, he’s just not very sociable, plus he’s overworking a lot," Sehun will say, a habit of always defending his partner, but the other's words will have him thinking; Jongin will have hit the nail on the head with his words as it will not be the first time for Sehun to doubt the reasons behind Jongdae’s unwilling attitude. He will be thinking of all the times he has suggested for Jongdae to go out on dates, and all the numerous times Jongdae will have refused and the very few when he will have actually said “yes”; thinking of the occasional press of fingers to the damn thunder bolts Jongdae will have let him get away with, and just how many of them will have been swatted away by Jongdae’s merciless hands.

“Do you think I might be doing it all wrong? After all, it’s been almost half a year since he accepted my offer to date, but it still feels like we’re stuck on the first base.“ And Jongin will smirk secretively at Sehun as if in the knowledge of something dangerous. “Break up with him and watch him realize what he’s lost,” Jongin will offer lowly and shake his head at the frown on Sehun’s face, clearly thinking that Sehun will definitely refuse such a suggestion. “Okay, but they do this shit in drama, and I actually think it should work on someone like Jongdae, a closeted sadist… He’ll drag you back by the balls just because he hates losing,” the boy will continue to rant, handsome pixelated face looking deformed on the screen.

And Sehun will blink, hesitant, thinking back to the times when he has lain in his bed, sleepless, just doubting everything; he will suddenly decide on a small plan to finally make Jongdae place all the dots over ‘i’, as shall be. He will grab his phone, not even waiting to disconnect from the Skype call with Jongin, and his fingers will be flying over the keyboard on screen, face pale and nervous.

_ 23:22 Jongdae, can we talk??? i need to call u, it’s urgent _

Jongdae will take a second to reply.

_23:22_ _no, sleeping_

_ 23:22 what if this is about us?? _

Sehun will be waiting with his breath held, Jongin constantly interrupting his thought process with high-pitched giggling and choked, “I can’t believe you’re doing this, dude, oh my god, I should have suggested this earlier,” and Sehun will be shushing him, sweating.

_23:23 still a no, am sleeping, early morning tmr_

_ 23:23 u never wanna talk about this. do u wanna break up??? we totally can… or u can answer my phone call _

Jongdae will be writing and rewriting his reply for centuries before sending the actual text. During the time, Sehun will be having serious suspicions on experiencing a real heart attack, Jongin will be shouting for him to breathe and drink water, the two boys will be starting a serious argument on the nature of dumb Jongin’s dumbest advice and all the different dirty places where Jongin will need to be putting his stupid advice henceforth.

_23:31 were we dating? sorry didnt notice._

And the universe will cease to exist for Sehun as Jongdae’s online status will be blinking a dreaded “off”.

 

**surrender**

  
_It’s been three weeks, two days, twenty hours and sixteen minutes_ , Sehun is totally thinking about Jongdae and his mouth instead of doing his term paper. _And thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight seconds_. Sehun is thinking about Jongdae’s hands fisting his hair, now bleached and highlighted into shameful pale pink after a bet lost.

Tale telling sounds of kitchen chair being dragged along the floor resound through the flat. Sehun smirks in content. "Bitch, where are you?" Jongdae shouts, annoyed.

Sehun was not going to message Jongdae to try and amend the relationship because it had been Jongdae’s fault. He truly thought that the sociopathic asshole would never admit to missing Sehun, stubborn enough to spend his whole life regretting the break up but satisfied because he had proved to Sehun there was no sense in their relationship. And messaging Jongdae would have meant going back to square one; Sehun had enough of weekly visits to Jongdae’s rented flat, with the other treating him like he was still a child.

"In the room, sweetheart," he replies, excited because it's three versus five now, and he is totally going to level the score. Because Sehun certainly is a kid in comparison to more experienced Jongdae, but they are having so much fun, with their personalities and interests so different, showing each other new things and sharing good and bad times every day; if only Jongdae was less stubborn, and Sehun was less childish. But they are working on it.

The younger boy tongues his cheek as he listens to kitchen cabinet doors being impatiently slammed open and shut. "Yah, get your bony ass here!"

Sehun still vivdly remembers how he tried to convince himself that Jongdae, the bane of his existence, could only make his life miserable. Sehun sometimes goes back in time to when he hated the older man's guts for two whole days while ignoring Jongdae and pretending he did not exist; he still feels somewhat shameful about the fact that he broke down so quickly.

_Two fucking days_. Jongdae laughs his ass off each time he thinks back to Sehun's failure to keep to himself. "I wanted to see how long you'd last without contacting me... two days... that's a feat," amused Jongdae reminisced the moment when he had picked up the phone call from outrageous and hurting freshman on the very first ring. Sehun had prepared a long rant, had made an effort to write most of his complaints and confessions down not to get distracted as he would have accused Jongdae of all the things he had deprived Sehun and himself of. But it had only taken Jongdae's quick yet warm, "Don't be offended, please, I’m just difficult to deal with, you know," followed by a whispered, “I like you, Sehun,” even before the boy had opened his mouth. “Fuck you, I might have been the first one to call, but you were the one who confessed first, so you lost that round, not me,” Sehun scoffed at his boyfriend, who habitually walked away, eyebrow raised in challenge, always ready to flee when faced with direct confrontation. “Don’t know, didn’t happen, you’re obviously lying.”

Jongdae finally starts his extra whining, loud pitiful moans of ' _Seehuuuunaaaaah_ ' like music to the boy's ears; only then Sehun leisurely picks himself up from the sofa. “Yes?” He looks very pleased with himself as he walks into the kitchen to the sight of Jongdae standing on the chair, cabinet doors hanging open in a chaotic pattern. “Where the fuck are all the cups and spoons and plates?” He practically spits at Sehun, the fake whiny begging tones forgotten; he looks good under the orange light of the kitchen lamp though, cheekbones sharper, hair in a helpless disarray, and Sehun wants to smother him with kisses.

“You asked me to wash the dishes. I finally did,” he comments calmly, folding his arms on his chest, the epitome of tranquility and Zen; Jongdae blinks at his boyfriend, his expression a mixture of confusion and impatience, and Sehun really just wants to kiss him. “Now you didn’t exactly specify the place where to put them,” he hints, coming over to stand on the level with Jongdae’s shoulders, for once forced to look up to watch Jongdae’s face, up close and intimate. He still cannot help feeling prickles of relief when Jongdae does not back away; on the contrary, the man bumps Sehun on the forehead with his chin out of silly spite, lips ghosting over his pinkish locks. “Bubblegum head, tell me where the cups are, huh?” Jongdae’s low register game is so spot on, Sehun shivers and buries nose into the other’s crumpled shirt. _Mint_ , Sehun mentally reminds himself to buy cigarettes for Jongdae.

“Let me see it, and I’ll tell you.”

Sehun is so close to Jongdae, he can hear the involuntary hitch in the other’s breathing; and Jongdae scowls and clicks his tongue, removing his lips away from Sehun’s temple, the spot warm after a gentle kiss. “This is blackmail,” he grumbles, but Sehun just purses his lips and looks absolutely adamant. “I wanted tea, and I’m getting harassment instead,” Jongdae whines, begging tones back in the game, and Sehun enthusiastically nods his agreement; Jongdae frowns and tries kicking him in the stomach but the enormous freshman just chortles and holds the older man so he does not fall from the chair in his effort to escape the fate.

Both of them know that Jongdae can easily break Sehun in half, his crossfit practices regular and effective on the solid muscles; both of them never bother to remember about that at times of fooling around, Jongdae always pliant in Sehun’s gentle embrace. “You’re a pervert,” Jongdae tells Sehun in a low voice, giving him a smoldering look.

“Newsflash. You’ve made me one,” Sehun replies hotly, softly dragging his nails down Jongdae’s right arm, inked thunder bolts of vibrant black, now fully filled-in and finished. “I love them,” he whispers and cannot stop himself from leaning down to give each lightning a light kiss. There is a long pause then; Jongdae watching him as he smooches his tattoos, gaze intense, and Sehun feeling like growing wings because Jongdae is letting him do something out of their ordinary still tame intimate routine.  “Stop chewing,” the older man says what must be years later and Sehun’s heart stops for a second; the boy immediately halts, looking up to see if he has made Jongdae feel uncomfortable.

But he pushes Sehun a step away and quickly takes his shirt off; nipple piercing flashes in front of Sehun’s eyes as a coveted prize for being a good and patient boyfriend. “Now, where are my plates?” Jongdae asks slowly, his ears red in embarrassment at finally showing Sehun what the freshman has only seen occasional glimpses of.

Sehun will lie that he has forgotten, and shut up the starting argument within Jongdae with careful hands around his waist, a silent question for permission. Jongdae will search Sehun’s eyes for a long moment, and after he definitely finds what he is always looking for, he will allow the eager press of lips. They will kiss slowly, Jongdae squirming, his hands fisting the other’s colorful hair, because Sehun’s devilish fingers will definitely poke the steel piercing in the gentle nipple.

_It’s been three weeks, two days, twenty hours and thirty three minutes_.

Sehun is totally thinking about Jongdae and his tongue in his mouth and his tattoos.

Jongdae is definitely thinking about Sehun and his possible reaction if he asks the freshman to lick the piercing.

_Twenty two, twenty three, twenty four seconds since the war has been won._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


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